Last Saturday, I woke up. Had a frog in my throat. Went for a 35 mile bike ride. It was epic. My legs felt strong...really strong.....was torturing one of my friends and felt so good i could have gone harder.....Since having my swimming issues, i've gone at cycling with an attitude. Like i have a bone to pick with the sport gods....trying to torture the bike and the bike gods until they submit. Of course we both know that the only person being beat up is me.....I feel a certain amount of shame and lameness about this swim issue. I dont like giving up on something, anything ever.....and yes i have not done anything related to swimming for 2 weeks now....cant really explain other than i felt like a failure(and some fear) in the pool...The sudden sickness scares me especially in open water..and also it makes me not want to do it cause well it sucks..this is supposed to be fun......sooooo(getting over it) i went out and bought waterproof ear pluggies....this weekend i am gonna get the seal googles and try that too....I will not give up without a fight...
Getting back to my story: Went biking saturday with a frog in the throat. By Sat night, I was very ill....bad sore throat.....feelling ultra crappy....This ILLNESS(aka the black funk) took me until today to feel better. I am still a little congested and coughing but I feel much better. Man it sucked. But maybe it was God's way of telling me to slow the f@ck down and regroup. So i am glad i got sick. I realized that I was running from this swim issue and hiding behind it. I think I fear open water swims and this has been a easy out. Well folks, I am not going down easy. I love this sport and I will not go out like that. So I am gonna try different goggles (seal style), ear plugs, nose plugs, one of those magnetic thingies, maybe even drugs(dramamine).
So this last week i have gone through a sort of mental meltdown. Sitting home for long periods of time tends to make me dig inside and figure out whats going on upstairs...and its time to figure out what the "next 10 years" plan is for my career. I have not been very excited or satisfied with my current one and i am thinking about trading it in for a new one. I needed to sort out my financial situation....once i get that sorted out, i can do whatever i want for work......and i am trying to get some sort of a social life......i am not even sure where to begin....starting over like i have in the last few months....you begin to feel a little like a college kid who just got his first place....I am still sorting out the things at home cause its the one place that i avoided being for so long. I am not sure where i am going but i know its time to work on this old apartment and make it Bob's NEW home. Its time to put the recent married past to bed and start carving out the new me. A good friend says everytime you get sick, you shed off some of your old self. I think its true....i am shedding the old me and carving out a new me:)
So I have a message for someone in blogland(you know who you are) that i care about very very much:
ALL BAD MOMENTS PASS! I KNOW THE PAIN AND IT DOES PASS. (call me, please)
I AM SENDING A BIG HUUUUGUEEEE HUG OUT TO THEM!!!!
Peace, love, and souuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuul